called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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