Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
