My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
