Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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