the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Pants are for mortals
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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