i just had sex bonerless
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
