im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
