Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
we're so committed to being not committed
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
