Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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