I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
