please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
