Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
