Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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