Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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