I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
