I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
