It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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