I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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