What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize