I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
