I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
