I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
