You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
