HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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