We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
