I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
