The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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