My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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