you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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