Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
