I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize