I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
