can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There's always time for handjobs
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
