3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
