Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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