His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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