I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
