I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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