I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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