non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
