so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
