You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
