O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
