she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
