don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
