Have you finally orgasmed yet?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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