did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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