Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
