Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
