If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
