my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dicks are not precious.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
