we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize