Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
