Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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