Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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