small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
