K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
