Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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