Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she peed on how many people?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
