Kiss
Puke
my phone needs a breathalizer
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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