I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
from now on my penis is your penis
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
