Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
