I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize