I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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