All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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