yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
