"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
